Going Soul Deep...
I know so many people say to stop blaming people for the way you are, and I can agree to a certain extent. I think we don't realize how growing up a certain way can play a huge part in our self-image. I do feel like it is our responsibility to get the help we need to become better but let's not act like the scars don't actually come from something deeper!
All my life I would seek approval from others because I was abandoned by my parents, I wanted to be liked so bad that I became a peoples pleaser, accepting anything people would say to me all because I didn't want to lose them, which is also considered (fear of abandonment). As I've gotten older I realized I can openly discuss how I feel because this is my story and over the years I've become who I desire to be! A beautiful, self-aware, resilient woman who has decided to take no sh*t from a soul and continue healing the parts that are broken.
All I can really say is "WOW" to the woman I am today because I didn't realize how much I let people take advantage. I almost feel like once I started doing what was best for me people started leaving my life with no explanation. It was almost like I did something to scare them away. My perspective was that "They weren't meant for this level me, the evolved me, the me that would stand up for what I believed in no matter how it made them feel. Although they left, I found me & a completely authentic me at that!
I no longer want to please anyone but myself! I seek approval from nobody but GOD.
What healing my inner child looked like...
Like everything else in life, it was a process. I had to heal parts of me that I didn't know were broken. I am still on the journey of healing but I can say I am so much further in my journey than before. In 2020 after my mom passed away I decided to go to therapy for about 6 months, those were intensive sessions where I would literally have to face my feelings and emotions head-on and not ignore them. Some sessions were great others were emotional because of the amount of pain, hurt, and anger I was dealing with for so many years that I didn't know I had.. Going to therapy made me realize I wasn't a horrible person, I just was dealing with things I didn't know how to deal with. For a long time, it was very hard for me to realize how beautiful I really was because of all the negative things I went through along my journey.
It would be moments when I would go by the water alone for hours and just sit there and think about how much I have been through and how I desperately wanted to change this narrative. So many nights where I cried in my car because I didn't want to be held hostage to my past but it would randomly eat me up inside! Yes, that was me! An emotional wreck who was trying to understand her emotions.. The truth is.. It's up to us to dig deep and face those parts of us we don't want to talk about.
If life has taught me anything in the past 3 years it is to "DIG DEEP! DON'T NEGLECT YOUR INNER CHILD ACKNOWLEDGE HER/HIM!" That's how you really heal.
I hope you found this read helpful. Please choose to heal and continue to Become Her!
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